His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
