hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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