its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
