I cannot find my penis.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
