upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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