if only i could text you this smell
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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