Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
