before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
