That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
