So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
