now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
