you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
