you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
