I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
