so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
