I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
