and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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