i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
