there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
