Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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