do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
love makes seman taste better
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
