New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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