Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
