yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
