My hair reeks of homosexuality.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
