he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
