I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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