If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i think my cat just said my name.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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