Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
