I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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