please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
