ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
