Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
