I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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