I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
