And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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