I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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