How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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