She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
