i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
