I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
