Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
