oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
