He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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