like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
