this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
