moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
