A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
