Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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