i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
