I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
