It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
